Entry #6: Doomsayers....I Predict That They'll All Die Out One Day...

Ah yes. Ever since the dawn of civilization there have been a few proud, self-assertive people who deem it necessary to claim that everything we know and hold dear will go up in a fiery inferno of death and chaos. Or go up in a flood of epic proportions. Or we'll all be baked alive by UV rays from the sun. Or instead of being fried like catfish, the sun will inexplicably explode, vaporizing us all. Or the trees will revolt and poison us, and we'll curse Mother Nature with our last breaths as we gag on putrid fumes. Or aliens will invade, and exterminate us from the planet by sucking our brains out of our heads. I have a theory: the more ridiculous the claimed calamity is, the more likely people are to agree with you. Now to test my theory:

I PREDICT THAT IN THE YEAR 2011 WE WILL ALL SUFFER FROM A FOODBOURNE ILLNESS BROUGHT ON BY POOR QUALITY BAGUETTES MADE BY FRENCHMEN!!

Now, I've always been a skeptic of anyone who says that we're all going to die in a massive catastrophe. Mostly my reasons for disbelief stem from the fact that 6 millennia have gone by, and we're still all here, alive, and for the most part, doing quite well. I mean, for 6 thousand years doomsayers have been getting it wrong. Sadly though, Google seems to think otherwise. If you Google "doomsayers + right" you get app. 700,000 hits. However, if you Google "doomsayers + wrong" you only get app. 475,000 hits. Clearly society thinks they're right, according to Google.

Also, I really feel the need to point out that if such events were to occur and a doomsayer happened to be right, what would he say after it happens? Say, "I told you so!"? Or "Ha! I was right all along! You guys didn't believe me but boy did I nail THAT one on the head." The phrase, "I told you so" does little to console the eradication of humanity as we know it.

So instead my scheme is simple. I will predict the end of the world by global cooling instead of global warming. This flawless plan is sure to make me a genius, a millionaire, and a trendy international jet-setter. Just like Al Gore. Then I'll write a book, steal a Nobel prize, and chock it up that I'm one heck of a regular guy.

Now if you people out there in the e-world insist on being the nutter wearing that sandwich board that says "The end is nigh." Then by all means be my guest. But don't expect to get a warm welcome from the likes of me.

GOAL FOR THE DAY:

Say please and thanks, even when robbing banks.

Laterz mah lEEt peeps!